Getting Personal

I'm still not completely sure of the timeline, but it happened something like this:

My moms dad cheated on my grandmother, mom got pregnant with me, my moms dad told her he was divorcing my grandmother, my mom was furious and told him that he would play no part in my life.

And until I was 10, I did not know my moms father.

Truth be told, I wish I had never met the man.
When I did meet him, he just popped in and out of my life until I was about 18 or so when I made the choice to see him as little as possible.

I have many words that I would like say that are mean and cruel, but I will not give him that luxury. He does not even deserve the worst of my words.

You're probably asking yourself, why doesn't he like this man? Well, for all of my moms life, her father was a pastor of several churches and a music leader and from what Ive been told, a great preacher. But that changed. He got sexually involved with a woman he was counseling and left my grandmother for her. After I met him, and after I got my call to ministry, I was paralyzed with fear for almost two and a half years because of that mans sins. I was terrified that I would turn out like him. Finally one day, I bucked up and chose not to be a victim of my own fear anymore. I decided to have as little contact with the man as I could.

I've never considered the man a grandfather. Huey, may dad's dad, was my Grandfather until he passed away this last June. My grandmother waited twenty years before she got remarried, and when I was 19, I was privileged to walk my grandmother down the aisle as she married a man named Leroy who several years prior had lost his wife to breast cancer, and by the grace of God, God brought Leroy and my grandmother together and Leroy is more of grandfather than that other man has ever been. It was easy to love Leroy because he is the grandfather I should have had, not my moms real dad.

If you want to get personal, I can't stand my paternal grandfather. I get angry when I see him or talk to him on the phone. I even have him in my phone as "Do Not Answer"

Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I don't think so. The man is a horrible example who is still married to the whore he cheated with. and yes...I have every right to call her a whore. I've forgiven them both, but I don't have to let him be a part of my life. I never met the whore he cheated with, but it I ever did, I guarantee it would not be a nice meeting.

I decided to write this because he had the audacity to call me tonight. I am still fuming angry that he tries to have a relationship with me. He walked away 22 years ago, and I want nothing to do with him.