It has been a long while that have I wrestled against grace. Trying to make it to God on my own, I abandoned the concept of grace altogether and tried to make my way to heaven on my own and I tried to somehow surpass the glorious gift given to me. That did just about as much good as trying to sail a ship with no rudder and a giant gaping hole in the bulkhead. Slowly however, God has taught me to trust him and he has begun to patch the holes in my ship and I have started to, in a very minuscule way, begin to understand the grace God has given to me through his Son Jesus Christ.
I am in the process of preparing for a weekend retreat where I have the opportunity to speak on the theme of God's glorious love toward us. I consider myself blessed to get the opportunity to preach God's word and to, over six sessions, teach out of Ephesians 3:17b-19 and other portions of scripture which portray God's love toward us.
As I have studied this theme of God's love toward us, I have learned a considerable amount. I think however, the biggest thing I have realized however is that I am in no way capable of grasping just how deep and high and long and wide the love of Christ is for me, and that is a humbling feeling.
For all of my striving, for all of my working, for all of my poor and feeble attempts to reach God on my own, I was failing to recognize that Jesus loved me unconditionally and without reason. That grace was mine, and that I can rest in the knowledge that he loves me more than I can fathom.
With this, I will conclude. I was listening to a sermon recently at Camp Living Stones(http://www.camplivingstones.com/)and Jon Smeltzer, the camp pastor said something that really stuck with me and it is something that I am still working through. He said "Men and women of God are not characterized by their love for God, but by their understanding of God's love for them." I am amazed and humbled at the vastness of the depth of Christ's love for me and the grace he has given me, but each day I am striving and pushing farther up and farther in, so that I can come to a more complete understanding of God's love for me.
